"The laughter of someone supposed to be impressed always complicates the life of power."when the lecturer brought up laugher during the session about porn, initially, i wasn't sure where it sat. a laugher that doesn't know where to sit is an uncomfortable laughter. a nervous giggle.
Isabelle Stenger, Another Look: Relearning to laugh p44
when i was a teenager there as a lot of nervous giggling around porn.
you'd go to a friend's house and there'd be a bunch of you: boys... girls... beer... and, suddenly... porn! one of the boys (always the boys) would say ...i've got a movie! and you ...do you stay and watch it? do you run to mum? and, then ...do you let him kiss you? do you let him touch?? ...and, later ......do you touch it??? .........and, later still ...is that how it's meant to feel?!?!?
"[T]he laughter of humor [...] is comprehending and appreciative without expecting to find a secure position. It is able to disagree without being awe-stricken or trying to be awe-inspiring."when you're a teenage girl you're always in an awkward, insecure position, which you're constantly trying to secure. i think this is where it might go wrong. somehow, you're always trying to impress and you're always impressed (someone is always cooler, cleverer, sexier, more daring than you). a neverending emotional exchange of marks (Sara Ahmed, The Cultural Politics of Emotion p6). how could you assume the kind of laugher that Stenger proposes when laugher for you is the only way to hide your awe? it's difficult to disagree, so you agree, and you stay.
Isabelle Stenger, Another Look: Relearning to laugh p52
watching boring porn on boring summer afternoons. a mass of teenagers in a small room. beer bottles and giggles. learning to kiss, learning to fuck. (also: learning heteronormativity, learning that women are objects, learning humiliation is supposed to be sexy, learning consent is optional)
"The first challenge to which a minority [women being a 'majoritarian minority'] must respond is to not let itself be fascinated by the majoritarian norm [...] And one of the many ways to meet this challenge is “not to be too easily impressed"..."we played the game of not being impressed by the majoritarian 'norm'. we gossiped: 'it wasn't that big', 'it was a bit crooked', 'it didn't go hard'... this is how our girly laughter effected our resistance. (some of us) couldn't say a straight no, but we could still laugh, and look unimpressed.
Isabelle Stenger, Another Look: Relearning to laugh p53
back then we didn't have the internet. or mobiles. or whatsapp. how did those boys (it was always the boys) get their porn videos? someone's dodgy uncle? a seedy newsagent 'video club'? today porn is sort of everywhere, and sort of made by anyone.
a few years back i came across a porn website, which is not necessarily a porn website. one day, Madelein Holden got fed up of getting ugly unsolicited 'dick pics', so she decided to show she "wasn't too impressed" and started critiquing the pictures. a one woman effort to promote a more artistic, diverse and, crucially, consensual approach to dick pic sending.
critique my dick pic is, as you would expect, full of penises (straight up, so don't click if you don't want to see penises). critique my dick will sternly rebuke any sender whose style or approach lean towards non-consensual, violent or harassing dick pics. everything else goes: penises of all shapes, sizes, ages and colours, human and non-human, alone or in groups. together they make stereotyping impossible
what i love about this site is the use it makes of humour. while their artistry might be ruthlessly criticised, senders and their dicks are never made fun of, instead witty photographic critiques are added to each picture and a grade. sometimes, but the pictures itself might make us laugh (some are very intentionally funny, some unintentionally so), but the site invites us to laugh with, rather than at the dicks (or their owners). it's a gentle approach. a vulnerable approach. an approach where you don't need to hide behind your laughter. an antidote to the online proliferation of naked female bodies, but also to the proliferation of irony and sarcasm, and the constant assertion of a tiresome brand of masculine aggression and control.
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