and is it very wrong to paint my bedroom "pebble drift 2"

colour for my bedroom
Originally uploaded by ladelentes.

these and other similar questions ("volcanic splash", is it too dark for behind the sofa? will i get thorougly fed up with "blue diamond" after a few days? and the pressing: is "tuscan gold" far to yellow for my kitchen?) are threatening the scientific experiment. our scientist struggles on to stay in bed, but the questions just keep coming. let's hope they'll be resolved soon so she can go back to doing what she does best under that duvet.

commitment to the cause of nothingness

one of the most eminent inactivity scientists in the western hemisphere is undertaking a groundbreaking experiment. the scientist has taken to her bed and is planning on never to leave it except for physiological necessities or getting drunk. while it may be argued that others have tried this experiment with varying degrees of success, never has it been carried out with such commitment, strength of character and abnegation. we wish the scientist all success in her new venture and look forward to the final report on her findings as soon as she resumes what we now call normal activity but may need to review completely after the results are in.

dream diary

the beautiful r. suggests she should give me a massage after i move into my new house. my new house is actually my old childhood home. r. starts giving me a massage but it all goes a bit poltergeist and i become a flying witch, ranting and raving with r. trying to calm me down. this is repeated many times. in between r. and i climb up increasingly narrow spiral staircase. every time she starts to massage my shoulders i become a witch again. eventually i start running running running and get out on the patio. the actor a. is sitting inside the house, on the phone. he sees us through the french windows and hangs up to come to our aid. at this point i was half awake and decided i was getting too scared so i woke myself up completely, turned off the light, and looked at the moon outside my window.

kick up the ass

nothing like a simple statement of how the movie looks from the outside to make you realise you're a terrible film maker...

spam reading

she will love you more than any other guy

(she already does)

heat exhaustion

one day the girl closed her eyes and couldn't open them again. her brain dripped slowly out of her ears. no prince came to wake her up.

larger than life?

the relative value of the descriptor in the description of a person: when exciting achievements are described by the achiever in a humble way, they are no more than normal life, when the same, or even less, exciting achievements are described by someone slightly loopy about the achiever in an overexcited way, the character becomes larger than life and therefore an unreal fantasy

friendly

today i went for a walk down the canal that runs almost outside my door and when the sun came out the water became really transparent and i saw a ginormous fish just under the surface. must have been about 1 meter long, and it was covered in
seaweed and mud, like some ancient creature from the depths. it looked at me and pursed its lips open-shut-open-shut, then it sunk into the dark green water never to be seen again. there were some fishermen a little further up. i hope they never catch him/her. it's good to know it's down there, ready to come up and say hello once in a while...

from the street VIII

sunshine, canals, neighbours, plans and a little smile...

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dream diary

i am at the bar in a busy pub, gesticulating as i talk to a dark figure, i don't know who. my hand knocks the back of my earring off and it flies on the floor. there is a child around us somewhere. i stoop and spot the back of my earring just as the child is about to step on it. i put my earring back on. i wake up.

spam reading

tom wolfe has just written to me asking if i want any drugs. boy, do i want some drugs...

break ups, revenge and assorted bad behaviour

so when she came back from her holiday i told her all about it, and we agreed to make a date with him, so i would snog him, and then she'd turn up and find us and he would be caught. and then she wasn't my friend again.

s&m

first home-cooked meal by my own fair hands in 116 days. happiness is a well-cooked sausage and a creamy mash.

ok

so
then
in that case
well
you see
and of course
that's the deal whether you like it or not

incredibly indecisive

clicking of keyboard, tapping of rainwater, thumping of heartbeat, cranking of brain. brown, red, buenos aires, bbc, travelling, coffee table, self-indulgent, energetic, coffee, breakfast, sleep.

friend

brushes my fringe over, says let's see your pretty face, just like my mum.
no way to be lonely with friends like that...

hackney 1am

a man lying on his bed empty room just moved in
a cat lying on the top of a car fat as a buddah
a girl walking home

spam reading

living. you've learned lesson.

things nobody tells you

1 - that an electrical cooker requires installation as much as a gas cooker. no amount of staring at it will produce a cable to plug in. electricians are required.

2 - that the shorts and strappy top combo has way more of an impact in an east london setting than in cuba, uruguay or brazil

spam reading

stay happy

memory

sometimes, just sitting on my sofa, i can smell him alongside steak, sea-salt, mountain air and good things.

kiss

100_6153.JPG
Originally uploaded by ladelentes.

life is difficult in rome

Originally uploaded by ladelentes.

and don't even think of getting on the tube. it's dangerous!

ways in which i might, one day, choose to kill myself

Tacuarembo

eat vast amounts of asado. drive aimlessly round the only two squares in town. wait until the tyres explode from the weight of a woman filled with asado (or boredom) crash into the crappy internet cafe. die electrocuted as a computer blows a fuse in the collision.

ways in which i might, one day, choose to kill myself

Brussels

sit in the grand place drinking every type of beer available in the golden boot. zig zag away in the sun, knock my head against the manneken pis and slowly bleed to death while i eat a waffle from the shop next door.

ways in which i might, one day, choose to kill myself

Rome

eat each flavour of ice cream available in the ice-cream shop in the corner of via del tritone. leave chocolate til last. collapse from overeating in front of the fontana de trevi. get trampled to death by the throng of mindless tourists.

ways in which i might, one day, choose to kill myself

Mexico

get a number of bottles of tequila. lie low on the rooftop of one of the small houses on the side of the volcano near cocoyoc. drink the tequila under the stars. prevent anyone from coming up to sweep up the ash-dust that falls unseen from the still active volcano. wait for day the ash builds up and the thick layer crushes me to death.

water

if you fell into a canal and floated into the centre of town you wouldn't mind one bit.

rediscover

paris is beautiful. paris is breathtaking. paris is golden statutes against leaden skies. a sparkling iron tower. a green-grey river, flowing away. churches glittering with glassy colours. people walking out of magazines. flowers. trees. formal gardens. a kiss. an angel. pain au chocolat.

too close. a story for the dark lady.

in a town by the sea there was a man that on finding a pot of gold right under his doorway decided that if it wasn't at the end of the rainbow he just didn't want it. and off he went. they say he's still wandering the shores of britain, following the rainbow around, pointlessly.

vestal virgin

finally when she got to the age of thirty-nine, she said sod it and went off with the guy who had given her the white rose during the festival. she didn't mind being buried alive, it all had felt the same to her anyway, and now she knew for sure.

multitudes

there are a million people walking the streets. there are a million columns standing in the street. there are a million statues watching you go by. there are a million fountains sprinkling away. there are a million, billion, trillion beautiful things to see smell touch feel...

off to rome

10.5kg worth of red shoes, green dresses, funky jeans and primark silly tops

difference

but was it like a lizard misses the leg it lost to the stupid passer-by that trampled him without noticing and which was forgotten along with the whole sorry affair as soon as its replacement grew back. or was it like, you know, "i miss you"

parallel life II

in this life i'm still in south america, in my small apartment in san telmo, cooking dinner for a man that's just about to come back for a quiet night in

itchy

once upon a time there was a man with a very bushy beard and a pair of blue eyes like a sunday morning. a girl came along and scratched his beard and he liked it so much that he took his portable solar powered chain saw, chopped off the girls hands and put them in his red rucksack for later use.

unfortunately the fingernails on the hands kept growing (hairs, nails, isn't it strange?) and eventually they got so long that they became too scratchy and the beard got all bloodied and patchy. so the man had no option but to get on his chevrolet and drive to the nearest body part recycling site to dispose of the now useless hands.

meantime, the girl, after recovering from the inital shock, grew another pair of hands and became hugely famous through the writing of slightly cookie horror stories.

a nap in primrose hill

picnic. laugther. sparkling wine. babies running amock. dogs in sausage shaped leads. wasted. all wasted away.