getting drunk

beneath the feelings, there are feelings.
surface calm.
tight chest.
something in your throat, pushing out.
an undercurrent of electric excitement. the desire to drink.
the desire to drink, and to be drunk. to the last drop.
intoxicated and ecstatic.
beneath that, lust and fear. the desire to drink you up.
in small, precise gulps, every bit of it.
chest implodes.
one more layer, and there is sadness.
the desire to drink, and to get drunk.
to get wasted. to get lost. to refuse to be.
the desire to disappear, drunk and confused,
into a haze of alcohol, old stories and regrets.