and i'm done

i made a list of all the things i want to do and i started at the top. one down, many many many to go...

spam reading

are u super?
damn right i am!

an experience of white

step by step the green tree is getting closer and closer. the leaves are lustrous, dark and green. they shiver slightly in the morning breeze. when you're right under the tree, you look up, suddenly surrounded in white. the leaves keeping this secret just for you.

animals everywhere

a dock leaf becomes a scurrying fox, a leather bag a sleeping labrador, a fig leaf a pigeon in flight, a shimmering light a fish, the shadow of a cloud a snake, my stomach butterflies.

en route

chat chat chat chat chat chat chat...we should go north on the M25... chat chat chat chat chat chat chat...ohhh look at the pretty sunset right ahead of us... chat chat chat chat chat chat chat...mmm, heathrow? richmond??? ohhhhh, turn off here now!!...phew... chat chat chat chat chat chat chat...ooh look at that man crossing the road... chat chat chat chat chat chat chat...oops what road are we on? wimbledon? make a U-turn now!... chat chat chat chat chat chat chat... ahhh, we're home now.

and the ocean........

Originally uploaded by ladelentes.

this sucks, rather

it's a man

yeah. it's not a turtle. it's not an onion. it's not a figment of my imagination. it's definitely a man.

autumn?

autumn
Originally uploaded by ladelentes.

those crocuses are, like, well confused.

smiley

there is a little gaggle of young moorhens learning to cope on the canal. i saw them taking their first swim. i saw them being fed by mum. i saw them loosing their fluffy feathers. i saw them ganging up on a swan. i saw them going mental quacking away at the rising sun. i saw them today. they're all grown up. i feel like mother hen, proud and happy, ready to let them go.

new picadilly cafe

new picadilly cafe
Originally uploaded by ladelentes.

shyness gets you somewhere in the way between staring at the orangy pink clouds drifiting over this old old town and getting to the good old picadilly whose doors will be closing, sadly, soon.

letting go

resolve to do it
put feet firmly in ground
do it

reward

sunrise
Originally uploaded by ladelentes.

if you stick to your guns and stop yourself from throwing a tantrum the sun comes out to say hello

the girls

a long time ago a girl invited another girl out for a drink. the invitee, being young and shy was pretty worried about how the night would turn out...would the other girl get bored? would they have stuff in common? would it be ok? in the event, the night went really well and the girls became good friends. now they haven't seen each other for a long time, but another invitation, and another night, and the learned lessons are still there and a girl will not forget another girl.

the environment

environmental changes seem to have a marked effect on the subject. but the subject struggles bravely on. flowers help.

clarity

P9150011
Originally uploaded by ladelentes.

sitting in the sun in burgess park, i look up and my eyes encounter the tree. the outline of every single leaf is clear and defined. each alive and telling its own story of birth, survival and decay.

...and so i ended up kissing an essex girl in the toilets

the boss tells me how as an older member of staff -- older in age rather than seniority -- i have better insight and can take a better overview of things.

i walk out the office, strutting in my new dress, and a puzzling feeling starts flitting round me like a hover fly. i can't work it out. on the one hand, it was praise. on the other hand...oh my fucking god!...i am not a child any more!...gasp! horror!...i am a mature member of society. i have a mature outlook. i take mature decisions.

luckily wine always comes to the rescue.

joyride

a man walks onto stage and looks at me. i am not "us" anymore. he takes off his shirt, his t-shirt. takes his passport, his keys out of his pocket. some loose change too. his trousers come off, his shorts come off. here's a beautiful man and he's angry and powerful and he's looking at me. and he's talking to me. and he is full of feeling. all strong lines and curves. and now he's a cat and a monkey and a feral thing, thirsting for my blood, looking for release. and then he's a slave and a freedom fighter and a bird and he flies across the stage. and all the while he's controlled and uncompromising and i'm his.

colinpoole.co.uk

it was an excellent idea

P9130014.JPG
Originally uploaded by ladelentes.

sturt's lock is just west of new north road. it's a landmark. you can meet there. and if you have time, you can go to the co-op up the road, and get some nibbles and a bottle of wine. and as the sun is shining in the west and reflecting on the clouds in the east, you can sit there with your friend and laze in the orange light. and smile at the people kayaking. and talk about how good it is. and how bad it is. and make it all go round and round til it makes sense. and you can look for a while as a crazed something draws frantic spirals in the water when all the light is coming from the stars and the lights of bicycles zooming past. and you can then decide it's just the right time to go home. and go home. swinging.

sturdy

P9110006.JPG
Originally uploaded by ladelentes.

current mood lasting longer than the flowers i bought for myself when my current mood started.

so, more of an unswayable tree than a wilting rose kind of mood...

speckled

speckled
Originally uploaded by ladelentes.

the canal shows london back the way it really is.

dream diary

he comes and asks me if i can have a look at something. then he tells me he understands i'm all about honesty and directness and he shows me one of my own blog posts. the post tells (as usual) a slightly fictionalized version of a night i had with him. he points at the word "terminado" and he says, you see i'm not sure how honest you are when you put an ending in a story with no end. then he changed into some beautiful guy from the movies and his ex-girlfriend made the bed for us to lay in.

accusation

and so yes, you're then going to go to your blog and write about it. and of course, you won't be able not to check your email or go online and see if it's happened. and you'll say something about this. you'll probably say something about working in banks, or drinking too much white wine. or about how the old lady smelt of mints and worked out the name of the street out of the sheer foreigness of your ask. or you'll mention the dog and how he thumped you on the lip and you'll have a fat lip tomorrow and it really had nothing to do with anything. really you're just going to use your blog as an excuse to log in and see. if. it. came. and blah. blah. blah. you silly bint.

oh maybe i will, but maybe i won't. ok?

you look beautiful, and he's very tall

mid year's resolution:
- praise your friends
- love your friends
- listen to your friends
- call your friends

zingy

new dress. new attitude. old hat.

penelope

she waits and waits and waits and waits and waits and waits. and the he turns up. and the he goes. and then she waits and waits and waits and waits.

exhausting.

retozando - lincoln's inn fields

he pulls her scarf over her eyes, clasps her hands behind her back and kisses her. and kisses her. and kisses her. pigeons do their best to provide a romantic backdrop. the sun comes out from behind a puffy cloud. and he kisses her. and she laughs. and they both fall on the grass giggling like little children.

the office

the pink pig stares at me with his evil eyes shaded under the bright orange bobble hat. the bobble, fyi, is green.

hole

hole
Originally uploaded by ladelentes.

in here there live: a fairy princess, a family of chess-playing mice, three old ladies knitting a scarf, a couple of unicorns that got lost and decided to stay, a banana tree with an identity crisis and a bunch of over ripe plums hanging from its top, three-hundred mosquitoes and a frog that can remember each of their names, a computer programmer that makes sure everything is neat and tidy and organized. it is, after all, a very small hole.

mmmmhmmmmhmm

one day a girl woke up, put her boots on and set off on a train journey across the country. she arrived at the other end of the land, jumped off the train and walked all the way up to the nearest mountain. once at the very very foot of the mountain, she looked up. then she lay down on the ground. she looked up again. there was a cloud moving south, just about to blot the sun. the girl waited for this to happen. the day went dim. the wind raised its pace evers-so-slighty. the girl inhaled and closed her eyes. in her mind she could still see the cloud and the mountain and the last sliver of sunlight shining through. this is the last day of summer. the girl listens. listens to the wind, to the birds, to the faint noise of the trains in the distance, to the sounds of children chattering on the mountain side. the girl extends her arms, open her fingers lets them run through the grass blades. a bee flies past and the girl flinches, momentarily taken out of her dream world. it's just a bee. a while ago someone told the girl to trust herself. the girl feels the grass tingling her fingertips, the slight itching in the back of her bare legs, goosebumps and then the heat of the sun as it comes out from behind the cloud. and she is happy. and she doesn't need to ask herself if she feels happy because that's what she should feel. she just knows that she feels truly and there's no need to question it anymore. the girl gets up and starts walking up the mountain. her boots will start to hurt soon enough, but she will laugh because it's how it's always been. a song comes to her head and then through her lips bursting out. at the top of the mountain she will meet a boy and the boy will smile and kiss her. they will talk about this and that. they will let their hands wander to each other. they will walk down the mountain and back to the station. on the train they may have a sandwich and she'll put her head on his shoulder and fall asleep. the boy will browse through a magazine, look out of the window. out of the window the landscape runs past, there are fields and sheep and cows and drizzle coming slowly against the glass. the boy thinks about the girl and what a curious thing she is. made of softness and hard edges. he looks at her and arranges a loose strand of hair behind her ear. he runs a finger along the contour of her face. wipes a smudge from her cheek. she came on her own and he came on his own. he smelled her skin and she winked and pulled her tongue out. child-woman. man-child. the train runs along the track, the noise filling the space around them. the days are made of this. temperature changes. shafts of light. wild animals. mountain tops. boys and girls. trains. smiles. candy.

reaches the parts that other...

girls. drinks. red dresses. laughs. stars. purrs. lion's mane. perfect breasts. smoke. talks. rough. open. romantic. pragmatic. spliff. orange. twinkle. armagnac. kiss.

three billy goats gruff

the first two goats got through to the other side of the bridge because each convinced the troll that the next goat coming was fatter. the third goat was indeed fatter. and stronger. and it promptly kicked the troll's ass. morale? don't let a good thing go in case something better may come along.
so it goes.

fingers open, eyes open

coming out of a big sleep, a girl stretches her fingers and touches the air around her. she blinks and the world appears and disappears. this life is simple. all you have to do is follow the signs and make things happen.

you make me feel

you make me feel
Originally uploaded by ladelentes.

just like that

singing

waiting for a bus to hackney
a black man sings gospel songs
a white man sings sea shanties
a latino girl sings tango tunes

spam reading

don't miss this opportunity

spam reading

they run

autumn

smell the air, orange clouds drift past, trees feel like a change, everything's ready with anticipation. autumn's coming and i can't wait.

butterflies

i want to hear all about it. i want to tell you all about it. i don't want you to be worried. i want you to worry. i want to hold you. i want you to hold me. i want a smile. i won't smile. keep a straight face. don't think about it. knock me down with a feather. goodnight. goodbye.

eight

out of the corner of your eye a rush swoops past floor level straight out of the cupboard down the telly through to the corner up the wall stop.

dead fox

like a cartoon of a dead fox. lying by the side road. eyes crossed out. a small line of blood trailing from its mouth. legs ready for a run that won't take place. a few flies curiously hanging round.

d

wiry. blue. smile. arms. wise. feather.

on the bus

a stranger comes to the bus stop and asks me if the bus is coming. i tell him the bus has just gone. he mimes, he'll take a different bus. the bus, in the end, comes quick. i get on it. two stops later, i'm reading the magazine, i get tapped on the shoulder, the man's got on the bus. he startles me. he sits right behind me in the half empty bus. then he realizes this is not the english way, and in his sweet accented english he repeats over and over...don't worry, don't worry, don't worry...

stripey orange pop-socks, green shoes

the old lady walks towards me swinging her carrier bag. she looks me up, she looks me down, she starts a smile. she winks and says, like the legs!

motion

he looked around and said, here something's stopped. i knew it before he said it. but what can i do? it's stopped. and i don't even know if it was ever started. what on earth do i...? what?