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spam reading

from: admit being
subject: absence

summary

lose something extremely good for wanting something better. it wasn't.

found

a woman sits in a park reading a short story. eating thai food. she's covered in cobwebs and specs of dust. the fringes of her dress have been bitten by rodents. her hands are rough. her head cloudy like a good old wine. nobody looks after this woman. she sits alone, in a park, reading a short story. eating thai food.

practical

i was staring down the pit of despair, just the other day, when i realized it probably hasn't been cleaned in quite a few days. weeks. months even. so i got my cleaning gloves, put on my wellies, got hold of my ecological cleaning fluid and down i went. scrubbing and dusting. in the pit i found: a broken chair leg stuck into my fears for the future, a gooey substance almost completely covering my inability to work out what i want, a bunch of dirty creatures gnawing at my loneliness and a big old spiderweb hiding from view my even more intricate and complex insecurities. scrubbing and dusting. i have to spend a few days down in the pit of despair in order to get it all nice and shiny. make it inhabitable again. get some order into that despair so i can safely put it in the back of my mind again.

taxi ride

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yum yum

opened the mystery steak/sausage bag to find:

• a huge chunk of steak
• a spicy chorizo
• bonus track: blood pudding!

have just put it all in the oven along with last thursday's roast veggies and had me a total meat fest.

i think it's raining because the world cannot sustain such high levels of perfect satisfaction simultanously.

snippets

"but now...you look like a model!"
"i know a few guys that would happily explain to you how sex can be better than meat..."
"he always fancied you from a distance"
"hey can you pick up my heart? it just fell off..."

spam reading

casual ambrosia

in black and white

in microscopic silver lettering, just below the hairline, on the right-hand side of the neck:

warning: this girl will self-destruct in approximately 31 years

drunken post, please ignore

i love you. love you love you love you. love the way you think, love the way you talk, love the way you dress, love the way you just are. love you love you love you love you. i love the way it's ok. and it's no big deal. love you. love how easy it is to be with you. and without you. love the way you've grown, love the way you've changed and haven't changed. and love the way you believe everything you're told, but you also take it with a pinch of salt. and love the way you look. i know that's shallow. and fuck that. fuck it. i love you and i love your life and who you are and who you'll be. given time. left alone. you'll be fucking amazing, you will. and i love you for it and that's as drunken a statement as i will make as drunk as i am and i love you and can i say that again. i. love. you. you're fucking great, you are.

home coming

and at times like this, you really wonder: how did a pound of steak and two riodelaplata sausages make their way into my handbag tonight? i mean...moisturiser, yes, murakami, of course, mp3 player, why not...but...sausages??? and still warm??? i must pay more attention to my whereabouts...

positive

yes

your attention please, your attention please, this is a customer announcement

will the readers of this blog please be aware that due to a critical disruption in the main engine we will not be arriving at any destination. i repeat. there is no destination. we won't get anywhere. at all. unless you stop being so incredibly cryptic.

thankyou.

somerset house, night of the hunter

i got lucky
and i would have told you how that dj played the perfect music for snogging
and pointed out how the stars all came out as soon as the movie called for them
and nodded at the white ghostly flocks of birds that flew by at the right moments
and shared the jacket that the nice couple lent me when they saw me going blue
and laughed with you at the silly american who said they shouldn't do these things in this weather
(so what? should we give up and stay indoors just because of a few little shivers?)
and i may or may not have told you about the strand and how they used to make ropes there
but i didn't get lucky
and so you were having sushi
or in bed with cramps
or at a birthday party
or having a beer with mates
or out on a date
or away from your phone
or whatever
so instead you're getting it here, second-hand, straight out, just back from somerset house

slippery slope

gotta be careful when you start regretting things. do you regret that it's done? do you regret that it happened at all? do you regret the end? or the beginning? the whole thing? do you regret that you left? or that you came? regret the way it was? the way it is? regret 1, 9, 12, 19, 21, 31 years?

cluck cluck

bbq chicken
roast chicken
fried chicken
stewed chicken
peri-peri chicken
jerk chicken

lonely

a man stands out on the roof. unbothered by the rain. lost in thought. smoking a cigarette without pleasure. a puff and another and another and then it's done.

metaphor?

look down to see you're walking all over the scattered pieces of an incomplete puzzle.
in spanish, they are called "head-breakers".

thunder is the only noise i hear

and the gentle sound of clouds sliding by

pizza treat

the pizza men have been biding their time. watching me walk past their window. waiting for my resolve to crack and for me to finally give in to the lure of their fabulously bad pizza. as soon as i walk in, the plan is put into motion. foreign language instructions are exchanged at the back of the shop and within seconds of ordering my pizzas it all starts to happen. first one man inexplicably comes to the front counter to chop an unnecessary onion, then another comes to give the kebab piece a cursory poke and a turn, yet another moves ahead to rearrange the already perfectly arranged salad bowls. the last one, bereft of any possible excuse to come and gawp just comes up, gives me a nod and walks back to where he came from. seems i fully passed the inspection. i come away with a free pizza, a free drink and a lot of friendly smiles from my friendly neighbourhood pizza men.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

splosh!

who's this man?

who's this man?
Originally uploaded by ladelentes.

this man. this man is there every day. he moves along, slowly. westwards. he has his drill and his little truck. he has tattoos. he's on his own. he's the man that's fixing the south bank. he says good morning. he fixes the south bank. he's on his own.

curiouser and curiouser

dad asks me, in that subtle way of his, if there is anyone "rushing head first" (his words)

now, there are so many levels in which i don't know how to answer this question that i thought i'd put it out here and see how it airs...

sunny...

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curious

why do the planes seem to be flying lower these days? why is the river always on a high tide when i walk past? who is that man that seems to be fixing the south bank sidewalk all by himself? where has the blackbird from the garden gone?

to the little voice in my head

that's all you are: a little, insignificant, weedy, stupid voice. so fuck off.

satisfaction IV

driving back home, foot down. liquorice all sorts. cigarettes. tunes.

satisfaction III

hanne is here. with her bike. and her trash-can. and as beautiful as before.

satisfaction II

they watched us rolling about laughing on the floor. they asked us how to do that. we told them. they did it. and we all rolled about a bit more.

satisfaction

man bumbles along up the darkened path, searching the ground. he asks me, what shape is that? i say, that is a flower. and he's one hundred per cent happy with that.

mon dieu! mon amour!

chill sky II
Originally uploaded by ladelentes.

bubbles, dandelions, nighttime sky-jellyfish, artificial stars, fireworks, kites and pretty much everything else.

spam reading

From: destiny
Subject: large ballot

a-ha!

spam reading

From: deceitful
Subject: colossal wreck

i'm reading my spam like my horoscope, these days. the internet is trying to tell me something...

tactile

hands running through tight muscles
fingers digging into hidden crevices
pressure applied to sensitive ends

needs

needs a smile. urgently. needs a hug. right now. needs a hot air balloon. and flowers. and a chocolate bar. sneakers, please. and a kiss to-go, while you're at it.

tension

Originally uploaded by ladelentes.

a wire going from the end of my fingers, pulling through my forearms, twisting - painfully - at the elbow, tightening the biceps, shortening my shoulders, stabbing my neck, coming out at the front of my head. between the eyes. that's how puppets must feel like.

the great escape

twice a day the thames tries to get away from london. twice a day london pulls it back. tempting.

dimensions

huge
vast
enormous
gigantic
infinite
boundless sadness

teenager

melt into a cascade of giggles when the boy says hello