dream diary

ayer soñé contigo, y con mi amante, y con mi tío. soñé con alzheimer. con un restaurante bajo el cielo estrellado. soñé contigo y con tus ojos, tu pelo cayendo de lado en tu frente, tus labios. mi amante miraba de lejos, a su distancia sideral. soñé contigo y conmigo, en otro mundo. mi tío caminaba, lento, bajando despacio distancias intolerables. vos sostenías todos esos platos en el aire, y yo... sí. ayer, soñé contigo.

subconscious

so, he's visiting a friend of mine's. she calls me to go to the shops to get something to serve up. we take buses towards a location, familiar, unknown. she stops at different shops and I tell her off: it's rude to keep a guest waiting. we walk down a road, familiar from other dreams, down a hill, restaurants and bars. I go to his former partner's home. I drink a glass of water in a coloured glass, Syrian. I carefully wash the glass and hide it behind others in the cupboard. I clean my fingerprints from the tv and the door. I get back to my friend's. he's having a bath, made himself right at home. naked. he laughs at me.

curious

broad shoulders like a landscape, a school classroom, strong hands kneading french-manicured toes, an infinitely large notebook, a girl - heart shaped mouth - dropping off into a dreamless sleep, a gift unoffered

dream diary

making bread with the whole family. the bread is lovely and quickly runs out. i find a jug of water filled with yesterday's rising dough, and get ready to make a few more baguettes. i roll the dough with my hands into tube shape and when i cut in i find a bright red substance in the middle. at first i want to ignore it and bake the bread all the same, but then i decide to dig it out and find out what it is. the substance is a worm-like thing, cut in half. i extricate it from the bread and it turns into a worm/grasshopper, with LED eyes staring at me, asking why i cut it out

daydream

a slow morning watching twin peaks brings forth a restful daydream, a concrete slope, covered in a concrete slope, a gap big enough just to crawl through. a challenge to go up all the way, and sleep in between, sleeping back hooked to the gravelly surface, dreaming of sliding all the way down.

dream diary

the whole family is in a house with a huge garden, surrounded by a tall fence. in the last few days there have been reports of people coming to attack the house. my little sister and i pack our bags, the rest of them are going to stay. a car will collect us  in the morning. before dawn the dogs start barking outside. it's possible the attackers are out there already. a doberman's silhouette stands stiffly by the gate. beyond the gate there is a dense fog through which we can just make out a car's headlights, which we assume is our taxi. my mother helps me with my suitcases, but i realise as we carry them that i'm missing a whole lot of stuff. i go back to the room where we're all sleeping and start emptying the cupboard. a million bras, mine and my sister's, are still to be collected, my favourite colourful dress, some more things. while i sort through things i see my brother's wife's clothes are neatly packed away and i think how lovely it is that they will stay together in spite of the threat.

dream diary

swimming in a vast ocean, waves over my head, pulling me under. a lot of men swimming in the ocean, every time my head goes out of the water i can see more of them, chatting in groups, effortlessly floating while i struggle to keep up.

furniture, or my flatmate is leaving home

i visit my (soon to be former) flatmate at her new home, she's made all the furniture there, it's all made up of B&Q's kitchen worktops (granite-effect laminate), she's made tables, chests of drawers, beds, sofas and even a lampshade, which was made by peeling off the laminate and using it as fabric to make a zippered cover for a lightbulb....

the serial killer

he carefully wiped the body as i watched from a corner of the bed. he put a spray in her open mouth. he cleaned her teeth. he bent down to kiss her lifeless as she was. then he stopped. i should kiss you first to feel the difference in taste. i said don't bother, there will be none. scared, bored, there and not there, all the while.

the worm

sitting on a bus/train/plane to somewhere. i tell him that maybe i can now talk to him again. and the dream switches instantly, just like that, to the old dream that disappeared years ago. the worm is back.

dream diary

n and i are staying in the flat at night. there are noises and strange lights. we both think, but don't say, that the flat is haunted. where she staying is a basement flat, but i live upstairs in my flat. we're both huddled downstairs. through the slightly raised window you can see lights and shadows from the outside. at one point the window lights up with a complicated pattern showing a big pyramid and the alphabet. this prompts n to finally speak: i don't want you to freak out, she says, but... do you think policemen used to live in this flat? i know, somehow, exactly what she means: either that they died here or they killed someone here, she's talking about ghosts. this makes me get completely hysterical, and for a while i am shivering and raving and saying there's someone there, even though i haven't seen anything to suggest this, just shadows fleeting past the corner of my eye. then i go upstairs to my room and try to calm down.

i keep hearing noises but convince myself it's the wind. then i go to the loo and, bam! there's a man there. he's semi-transparent, so i know it's a ghost. he's dressed in blue overalls, is bold and has a beard. slightly paunchy. a little like that autopsy guy on the telly. but, i know this, he's...a plumber! now i completely go crazy, although i'm not scared of him, i'm scared of the idea that forms in my head of someone living in my attic.

i run downstairs. n catches me at the bottom of the stairs and sits down with me trying to find out what's wrong with me. silently the guy comes and sits next to both of us on the steps. n doesn't see him. i say: who are you? he says: i live up there. i say: you do?!? and i wake up.

i wake up to the unnerving notion that perhaps, one day, a plumber died in my attic while fixing my boiler. a long long time ago.

dream diary

i walk down the riverside feeling like i'm not feeling. this goes on for a long time. eventually i meet up with my friend s. and we keep wandering down the river. the city looks like brighton/london/montevideo. the sun is shining but everything is gloomy somehow. we get to a corner where there is a grand old building called the 'golden hotel'. it has a big pub downstairs and the hotel is upstairs. there is a grand balcony running all along the hotel's front, clearly the main room. on the balcony there are a bunch of guys walking up and down, chatting and laughing. s and i notice there is an orangutan with them. the orangutan follows them around. they're all laughing, but suddenly we realise they are not cool with the orangutan. he's obviously in their way. one of the guys gets the orangutan to lean on the balcony. suddenly (but i know this is going to happen) the guy puts his arms under the orangutan's armpits, picks him up and throws him from the balcony. the orangutan falls without a fight and lands on the floor, dead. i run into the street shouting murderers, asesinos. the people in the pub are laughing at my hystericism. i get to the phone and call 999. they give me precise instructions, but never ask what happened. after i hang up i feel like maybe the police will be upset with me when they arrive for calling them for a dead monkey. i run out of the pub in floods of tears, but really i'm just using the monkey as an excuse to cry.

dream diary

my family and i are swimming along the regent's canal (which is not really the regent's canal, but a much wider, turquoise-transparent waterway). in the canal there are seals, which sometimes swim along you and sometimes bump into you, although quite friendly. the swim involves getting in and out of the water to avoid the locks. it's not cold and we're having a great time. during one of the stops, we come to a place with a high system of bridges that separate the water. one of the group and i go to investigate whether we need tickets or not (at this point i realise this is one of the guys that came on the tour with us) he decides to keep going and jumps into the water, but i go back to catch up with the family. when i come back they are at a slow swirling pool where they are watching a couple of seals playing in the water by spinning wildly. i jump in to play with the seals and start spinning in the water myself. one of the seals gets closer and closer, and suddenly i notice it's not a seal but a bear. the bear tries to attack me, so i jump out of the water and run back up the bridge, with the bear in hot pursuit. i take off a furry coat that i was wearing hoping that this is what the bear is after, but he pushes it away and keeps coming after me, making it quite clear that his intentions towards me are less than honorable. i keep running and running and jump into the water on the other side. by this time i'm in full bolivian-woman style dress, huge skirt, etc, so my chances in the water are not good.

dream diary

after a night out in the pub a girl and i have made friends and we decide to go on together to this guys party. we're on the late bus to wood green and the guy is explaining where he lives but we're not really paying attention. near my home, i tell the girl she can come to my house instead of going to the guy's as he's really annoying. however she's more up for a party than just hanging out with me. for some reason we get off the bus and now the girl is n. and we get on another bus but we now have lost the guy so we really don't know where we're going. n. says she doesn't mind, she'll enjoy the bus ride (the sun is now out) as it's her day off. i remember i have to go publish a new website today so i tell her to go on her own, get off and walk back home.

dream diary

i am french. i'm on holiday in a place in a forest with a couple of yankees and a little french girl. we're not getting on very well. we're lost somehow. the litle girl goes off in a huff. we're in some wooden shacks. we don't have money to get back. we're in trouble, but someone remembers there's a dead body in the shack next door and we think we can make some money donating the organs. we set off with the body down along a river but its hard going. luckily we find some metal tubing that runs parallel to the river, with a bit of water, like those things to carry logs. we put the body on the tube and we can then drag it with a rope. at one point, though, the tube-path goes down into a vertical drop and the body falls into the ground. at this point we see the body has completely decomposed. no organs to donate. i also realise the little girl is not with us. the yankees keep going with the body, somehow they think they can still make money out of it. i argue with them that we should go find the girl but they're not interested, so i go back on my own. when i get back to the shacks she's not there, but i go to the toilet and i see her knickers there. bloody.

dream diary

hanging
Originally uploaded by ladelentes.

a group of us are sitting on a hill overlooking the canal's basin. the water is dark and still, mirroring the passing sky. over the other side of the canal is a group of cranes and diggers from the building site. this is a friend's hen do, and i have asked the builders to do something special for us. suddenly all the cranes start swooping in and out of the canal, skimming the water, pecking at the earth near us, like hungry birds doing some magical dance. it is a beautiful sight, elegant and urban and mysterious. as suddenly as it all began, it ends, the cranes back to silent stillness. then a group of firemen come along. for some reason the have to go through a net tunnel to get to us. by the time they arrive, though, we're so high on the spectacle of the cranes and champagne and being together that we don't really pay attention to them. they are beautiful men, but so what, is the feeling. so off the canter back to where they came from and leave us to frolic on the hill as the sun sets.

dream diary

he comes and asks me if i can have a look at something. then he tells me he understands i'm all about honesty and directness and he shows me one of my own blog posts. the post tells (as usual) a slightly fictionalized version of a night i had with him. he points at the word "terminado" and he says, you see i'm not sure how honest you are when you put an ending in a story with no end. then he changed into some beautiful guy from the movies and his ex-girlfriend made the bed for us to lay in.

dream diary

there's a party at my parents' house. the old one. the garden is filled with people. d is there. he's not interacting with me but later on he comes to talk to me. we go to a corner of the garden where there are lots of bunk beds. we have a nap.

dream diary

my friend h and her family are living in the house of a man i have a thing with, in the countryside. the man is seeing someone else, in fact he's enaged. i go to the house and we have a row. he speeds off in a motorcycle and kills himself. i have to go and tell his fiance, who's basically my friend sj and actually in school. i'm with the man's brother. when we found her she was writing a letter to everybody to thank them for their support. she rewrites the letter to make it for the brother. she reads it out to me. it's a great letter. the man's brother is meant to drive me back to the city. i have now turned into the man that died. there's some trick going on. i challenge him to get to the city very fast. i fall asleep. i wake up in the car, the brother is gone, there's a croissant and a thermos with coffee. i pour the coffee, and i realize we did get to the city. but we're only in the perifery. the brother comes back, i tell him he's done a good job of getting to the city very fast, but he's still got to negociate the internal traffic jam, so he won't make the time i challenged him too. we set off again and suddenly we see this weird thing, he stops the car. in the middle of the road there is a young couple frozen in a kiss. they look like they're 12. she's a little taller than him, both of them have long hair. at first we think they are dead. we touch them and they fall to the ground, separating. we are dithering between calling a hearse or an ambulance. finally we think they may be alive so we call an ambulance. the ambulance comes and they think they're dead, but i convince them that they may be breathing. at this point we get to hospital, the kids are lying together side by side and they are encased in a plastic wraparound, like the blister-type packaging that dolls come in. their eyes are moving side to side, but only when i'm looking. suddenly we see some moisture on the plastic and we know at least one of them is alive and breathing. i wake up.

dream diary

i'm on a beach in uruguay. that's it.